Student Striver 3
Teach Your (Recalcitrant) Children Well
by Zheng Dao (Fogueira)This week's conundrum is a subject very important to students, because it involves teachers.
What is a "good" teacher, and how do people learn? And how *dare* I write about Zen teachers anyway, since I've never officially had one?
My best friend, Laura -- the one who asks me all the hard, head-scratching questions --doesn't understand why Buddhists "need" teachers. Why, she wonders, do you need someone to tell you how to look at the stars or smile or give someone a hug or any of the things that make us aware there's a so-called "spiritual" dimension in our lives? Well, we don't, of course, unless we forgot to look at the stars, have no one to hug or no one hugs us, and have forgotten how to smile.
The truth really is that Buddhist teachers are more like doctors. They tell you what to do to get rid of the pain of human existence, sort of like writing a prescription.
But as most of you are well aware, it's impossible to get your internist on the phone, you might be dead before your office visit, and then your insurance might not pay for the prescription. The Buddhist teacher, therefore, establishes more of a long-term relationship with you, part coach, part cheerleader and part storyteller. A good teacher, and I bow before mine--unofficial though they be--, is an individual who sends the person further on down the road with much love and no harm. A rabbi -- the word means teacher -- does essentially the same thing for sentient beings who are Jewish.
A good spiritual teacher embodies the teachings; he or she is a living manifestation of the way of life we're trying to follow. As a Buddhist, I believe every being is my teacher--every being is an interconnected piece of the universe, and everyone has something to share with me (and I with them). The trouble is, just as with doctors, some may have bad bedside manners, and some may be guilty of malpractice, and beginning students may not be aware of these pitfalls.
Beginners may not be aware of, and more experienced students may have forgotten, bad apples such as the Trungpas and Richard Bakers whose own lives are directly in conflict with the precepts:
1. Refraining from destroying living creatures (don't kill).
2. Refraining from taking that which is not given (don't steal).
3. Refrain from sexual activity (don't have affairs if married, or with student if teacher; don't pass along HIV to students).
4. Refrain from incorrect speech (don't lie, gossip, or waste people's time with mindless chatter; if you're supposed to be representing an entity which has taken a vow of poverty don't buy three Mercedes').
5. Refrain from intoxicating drinks and drugs, which lead to bad judgment (self-explanatory).
I suspect a good teacher has something to do with doing no harm. Therefore, if the teacher, by his example, is doing no harm, it will generally follow that the student won't either. "Go and do likewise", said Jesus.
But everybody arrives at this place on the road by different means.
Some traditions, especially in the Zen/Chan tradition in particular, to which my heart has chosen to adhere, have their lion's share of intimidating teachers. Here's my favorite intimidating teacher story:
"When John Daido Loori was a monk at the Los Angeles Zen Center, he remarked one day to Maezumi Roshi, 'I have resolved the question of life and death.' 'Are you sure?' Maezumi asked. 'Yes', replied Loori. 'Are you really sure?' 'Absolutely', Loori answered. With that, Maezumi threw himself violently upon Loori and began to strangle him. Gasping for breath, Loori struggled to escape, tried to push him off, but to no avail. Finally he swung back his fist and struck his teacher, knocking him aside. Maezumi rose to his feet and brushed himself off. 'Resolved the question of life and death, eh?' he laughed, and walked off. Later Loori, still bearing the marks of his teacher's fingers on his throat, passed a senior monk, Genpo Sensei. On seeing the bruises, Genpo did a double take. 'Told Roshi you'd resolved the question of life and death, did you?' he said, and strode away laughing." (Sean Murphy, One Bird One Stone: 108 American Zen Stories, p. 75)
Even though I absolutely love that story, I don't know if I would have personally ever come back to that Zen Center if it had happened to me.
Though I have "grown up" a tiny bit enough to know that most of these teachers who act in this vein are trying their best and mean no harm, their "being cruel to be kind"/Tough Love approach may backfire, especially with beginning students.
It may because instead of shocking the student's mind into the realm beyond thought and discrimination it reminds the student of his gym teacher who couldn't understand why she just couldn't climb a rope. (Supply bad childhood memory here.) The student hasn't been on the highway long enough to understand that past has gone and the future never will come.
Instead of the dispassionate Buddhist non-personal Master trying to talk some sense, the student continues to see judgment and negativity even though there isn't any there, because by using similar *words*, *tone of voice* or *manner*, the ghost the past rears its ugly head, beset with its own karma and pain, and drowns out the teacher's message, which is not his, but Buddha's. The student wonders what he did to deserve this kind of treatment, and if he has lousy self-esteem, it gets worse. Suffering is not ending, but continuing.
The phrase "skillful means" refers to "the Buddha's ability to teach appropriately for any student...." so that the student may understand the teachings and begin to live him his own self. It is a very important concept in Buddhism.
I think the problem many students are facing in Buddhism today is that they don't have enough psychological maturity to be able to tell that they have the wrong teacher for their particular type of psyche. Students are immature--beginning students are very immature--, and if they have a bad experience, they might not mature for years. Such a waste of time! One less beginner on the path to compassion!
I am very concerned about this, and I don't know what to do to fix it. (If I did, I would be a teacher, not a student.) However, the following exchange might serve as an example, which could work for students who don't do well with intimidation or perceived negativity (unintentional or otherwise).
The sacred and skillful words below were sent to me by a colleague a little further down the aforementioned road. They expressed to me, in the best way at the best possible moment, the exactly right thing to enable me, (rebel student, mule of mules, and Bad Bad Girl), to sit down, shut up and go placidly down the path where Buddha Nature (that universal phenomenon we all share, which binds us together but can not be expressed in mere words) waits.
"You see --- you HAVE discovered something. If you have 10 minutes on the path, you have 10 min of experience to share with someone who just came through the gate. If you have tried and learned only one thing, you have one thing to share with the one who has tried none. If you have tried and failed 1000 thing, you have 1000 lessons to share with everyone who has failed at 1000 other things.
It is all foot before foot or just "suit up and show up." The way we learn to play jazz is by playing jazz!!!
I am dancing in the living room for you."
This is effective because:
(1) The teacher accepts the student's level of education just as it is, but gives it an emphasis which the student's deluded mind can less perceive as negative ("you're only in kindergarten, you don't know anything!" vs. "you're in kindergarten! You can teach other kindergarteners!").
(2) The teacher emphasizes the lesson plan only. (Suit up, show up, sit down, shut up). The teacher does not say, "If you don't, why should I teach you?" (Answer: because ten thousand years later, the sitting and shutting could well occur).
(3) The teacher conveys his love and respect for the student by telling her he is happy for her.
Since the student understands the teacher loves and respects her exactly as she is without signs of emotional judgment or unintentional negativity, how else can she respond? With love and respect! And how does she show this? By sitting down and shutting up! (Which of course was the teacher's goal for the student in the first place.)
But what about the "really" bad teachers mentioned above, who violate the precepts and ruin lives? If the student follows his own heart and the list of precepts, he should be able to sever the relationship before the teacher does any real damage. If the teacher's bad example causes the student NOT to follow it, that teacher may even be said to be a good one!
If the student is still not mature enough to escape the genuine evil of a truly karmically bad human being, all I can say is, instant karma gonna get both of them, especially the teacher. His destructive actions will come back to destroy him, and maybe, after much suffering, the poor student will learn not to go near such snake oil salesmen again.
May what I write here prevent such things from happening to at least one person.
And now, children, it's recess time! Please remember to chew your chocolate graham crackers mindfully, knowing that any crumb only dissolves once on your tongue!