Student Striver 6
Zen and ADD: The Yin (not Yang) Version
by Zheng Dao (Fogueira)Thanks Valerie
So there I was having this major pity party because Even Though I was practicing well and was what I always wanted to be, a so-deemed published writer and in counseling training, and even though my dearest sweetest friend that ever was or could be Sarah told me I was a great Dharma teacher and really helped with her practice and that this was what I was supposed to be and all, STILL it made hardly any difference in my mood because dammit, Sarah wasn't a GUY, and the absolute heart of the matter was that I didn't have a GUY paying attention to me and comforting me and telling me that he loved me and "there there" and all that hole in the heart rubbish.
I didn't have a GUY paying attention to me because guys don't pay attention, and the thing they pay attention to least is, well, girls, except that surface appearance thing, the biggest delusion of them all.
I tried to talk to my friend Cantor about it but he was ignoring two other girls who were trying to talk to him and think about physics and architecture and his sick PDA and his sick stomach and Jeffersonian democracy all at the same time.
I tried to talk to my boss about it but the fact of it was that I'd already asked him waaaaay too much about it before, and due to serious system overload in his brain I'd gone down to number 100 of the five major things he can think about at any one time.
I tried to talk to my husband about it, but he was worrying about getting dumped on at work for a mistake that wasn't even his and physics and architecture and his sick WinXP with renegade Norton Security and how it wasn't about me.
I started ruminating about how they--males--can always think about 5 or more things at once and none of them are you unless you are size 2 or Brazilian or a CEO of a still-surviving dotcom that might hire one of them as a consultant, while conversely, you can neglect everything else of any value on this earth and focus your thoughts exclusively upon them, to absolutely no avail.
And how it's never about you but it's always about them. In Zen, of course, it's neither about you nor them--but if for some reason it has to be, it may be--whatta shock--ABOUT BOTH OF YOU AT THE SAME TIME EQUALLY, but try telling a man that and there's trouble ahead and behind and all aroundabout.
And since I'm after all a Zen student I scratched my poor little put-upon sorry sad sack grrl head and asked myself what lesson all of this could teach me and all other sentient beings.
The first thing that came to me was that not everything is a delusion which we need to purge from our minds. There really is something wrong with them, and it's in THEIR minds, and now they have a real medical excuse, the mother of all excuses and explanations, the reason the dogs ate their homework and why it's always YOU that doesn't understand HIM.
It's called ADD, Attention Deficit Disorder. Used to be called ADHD, but nobody could remember what the H was for. It stands for hyperactivity because that may also be a concomitant of the disorder.
According to the About.com FAQ, between 3% and 5% of the population in this country are affected by ADD/ADHD.
The factsheet further explains that it has three different subtypes: Combined Type, Predominantly Inattentive Type, and Predominantly Hyperactive-Impulsive Type.
"ADHD usually persists throughout a person's lifetime. It is NOT limited to children. Approximately one-half to two-thirds of children with ADHD will continue to have significant problems with ADHD symptoms and behaviors as adults, which impacts their lives on the job, within the family, and in social relationships.
DEFINITION OF ADHD:
ADHD is a diagnosis applied to children and adults who consistently display certain characteristic behaviors over a period of time. The most common core features include:
* Distractibility (poor sustained attention to tasks) * Impulsivity (impaired impulse control and delay of gratification) * Hyperactivity (excessive activity and physical restlessness)
In order to meet diagnostic criteria, these behaviors must be excessive, long-term, and pervasive. The behaviors must appear before age 7, and continue for at least 6 months. A crucial consideration is that the behaviors must create a real handicap in at least two areas of a person's life, such as school, home, work, or social settings. These criteria set ADHD apart from the "normal" distractibility and impulsive behavior of childhood, or the effects of the hectic and overstressed lifestyle prevalent in our society.
ADHD IS very likely caused by biological factors, which influence neurotransmitter activity in certain parts of the brain, and which have a strong genetic basis.
There is a great deal of evidence that ADHD runs in families, which is suggestive of genetic factors. If one person in a family is diagnosed with ADHD, there is a 25% to 35% probability that any other family member also has ADHD, compared to a 4% to 6% probability for someone in the general population.
Clinical experience has shown that the most effective treatment for ADHD is a combination of medication (when necessary), therapy or counseling to learn coping skills and adaptive behaviors, and ADD coaching for adults.
Medication is often used to help normalize brain activity, as prescribed by a physician. Stimulant medications (Ritalin, Dexedrine, Adderall) are commonly used because they have been shown to be most effective for most people with ADHD. However, many other medications may also be used at the discretion of the physician.
Behavior therapy and cognitive therapy are often helpful to modify certain behaviors and to deal with the emotional effects of ADHD. "
Yes, ladies and girls and hangers-on, before they were just clueless and ornery irritants you loved more than life itself; now they have a bonafide official neurological disorder to hang onto. Now they can take a drug to help with the problem, but the side effects will probably make them into zombies and they will have less energy and brain activity to not pay attention to you, and they might sleep more and snore more.
If the five things return to the one, to what does the one return?
It is very possible that if the sheer varmintiness of the long-distant man can be traced to a proven neurological disorder, then that unmaskable unloseable hole in the heart that most women have for their presence is one as well.
And it is very hard to purge from your consciousness a proven scientific fact. The only thing that can be done here is to purge the MYTH and EXPECTATION from your mind that someone with such a physiologic disorder can act in any other manner, or even further, that you can MAKE him do so, and overcome his biology and cellularity, or the pain of your own.
In short, seqoras and mesdames, there is no "There There" there.
Since you are totally, objectively aware that this is all there is, why, the fundamental things still apply: as The Ven. Miss Peggy Lee instructs us,
Then let's keep dancing,
All by our nice clean white crystalline lonesomes in the barefloor zendo ballroom, with the silent applause of cushion and mat.
For remember -- you are already Buddha --- and they're too busy to notice.